The period between when you announce that you want a divorce and when you can actually get into separate living spaces can be very awkward and difficult to navigate. Emotions are probably running amok, and the shared history you have with your spouse can complicate things.
Setting clear physical boundaries can be essential to preserving your mental health and giving both you and your spouse time to process the situation as you transition from being a couple into independent people once more. Here are some tips.
Give yourself some privacy
It’s not unusual for couples to continue to live together for a while after divorce is initiated, either due to financial reasons or for co-parenting needs. However, you need to carve out some private space or “territory” in your lives. Here are some tips:
- Sleep apart: If at all possible, each of you should have your own room, even if that means one of you puts a bed in the home office or sets up a room in the basement.
- Agree on the use of shared spaces: This may mean designating different times as “your time” and “their time” in the living room or kitchen so that you minimize your contact with each other.
- Stop checking in: Your spouse no longer has the right to know where you are going and when you’ll be home – and you don’t have the right to that information from them. The only exception to this rule is when you’re sharing parenting duties and need to coordinate.
- Move your personal items: Shift your clothes, personal care items and sentimental things out of the shared spaces and into whatever area you’ve carved out as your own. If necessary, rent a storage unit and start moving things out.
- Divide your digital life: Change the passwords on your email and social media accounts, cell phone and computer. If you’ve previously shared devices, it’s time to decide who gets what and each buy your own replacements.
The more you limit your physician interactions with each other, the easier it may become to establish your emotional distance – and that’s probably the biggest hurdle you have. Legal guidance can help you with the rest.